


Too Late for Regrets

by hugh_dancy_is_fancy



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Crack, F/M, M/M, Shawarma, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-26
Updated: 2014-07-26
Packaged: 2018-02-10 11:16:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 899
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2023119
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hugh_dancy_is_fancy/pseuds/hugh_dancy_is_fancy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve and Tony were out on a mission. It wasn’t that bad, but for some reason they needed Captain America and Iron Man to take out the threat. It was all going good the bad guys were dead and they were on a helicopter heading back to Stark Tower. But it all went downhill when Tony had a heart attack, Steve tried to save him. But he couldn’t.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Too Late for Regrets

**Author's Note:**

> P.S. This is meant to be funny

Steve was lost in his grief, he didn't know what to do. So he took Tony to his favorite place, the Shawarma restaurant. Steve propped Tony up in a chair and acted like he was still alive. He called in the other avenger and everyone came except for Natasha, she thought all of the boys were stupid. She knew Tony was dead and accepted it, why couldn't the other Avengers?

Bruce, Clint, and Thor showed up, they all loved Shawarma.

First Bruce walked in, he had only been about a block away visiting a “friend”. “Hello, Steve. Hello Tony.” He said as he sat down. Banner knew that Tony was dead and he also knew that Steve was grieving really bad so he just decided to let it go for one night and act like Tony was alive.

Clint was the next to arrive. All he did when he walked in was nod at the three other men and then took his seat next to Bruce. He also knew that Tony was dead and just thought it better to not say anything, he never really liked Stark, but Steve was a friend that he really liked.

Thor was the last to arrive, considering Natasha did not want to come. “Hello, Steve. Hello Man of Iron. Hello, Big green guy. Hello, Bird.” He smiled joyously at everyone. Everyone said hello back to him except for Tony. Poor Thor did not have any clue what was going on. The big blond alien noticed something was wrong. Man of Iron did not say anything and that was unusual for him, he always had something to say. Thor looked around at everyone while they ate.

“What is wrong with, Tony? He is never this quiet. Did Pepper and he have a fight?” Thor looked around again but this time his gaze lingered on Steve, he looked furious. “What is wrong, Steve, friend? Did I say something to offend you?” He was honestly confused, you could see it clear on his face.

Cap nodded at him. “Yes, Thor, as a matter of fact. You did.” Steve was hopelessly in love with Tony and now he was dead. Not only that but Steve could never act on his feelings, because Stark was hopelessly in love with Pepper Pots, the bitch. But now Steve knew that if he didn't do something to Thor, that the blundering buffon would tell everyone that Tony was dead and ruin all of the plans that Steve had for him. So he looked around at Clint and Bruce and they both nodded at him.

All three men got up and started attacking Thor. “Hey, what are you doing? I thought we were friends? I saved earth. Twice!” Thor tried fighting back but it was useless and after a while the asgardian was dead.

Clint knew he had to make his move soon. So he grabbed Steve and kissed him. He had always liked Captain America but didn't know how to tell him. As for everyone who thought that him and Natasha were together, you’re wrong. “Geez, Clint, what the hell are you doing!?” Bruce yelled at him. Steve had just lost the love of his life and here was Clint kissing the life out of him.

To Bruces surprise Steve started kissing Clint back and it quickly got heated. It got so heated that Steve and Clint started having sex on the table in the Shawarma restaurant. Bruce quickly grabbed his food and moved to one of the other tables and continues eating as if nothing had happened.

The owner was having none of this though, first he witnessed a man be murdered and now two grown men were having sex on one of his tables. But what disgusted him the most was that Tony Stark just sat there and watched it all happen, so he went to the back and dialed 911.

“Hello, 911. What's your emergency?” The operator asked.

“Yes, Hello. I just saw a man be killed and also there is two more men having, um, sexual intercourse on one of my tables in my restaurant.” Everyone at the station thought that the man was joking, but he wasn’t.

When the one cop that was sent out got there, she quickly called for backup. Soon about 50 police officers were at the Shawarma restaurant. Clint, Steve, and Bruce were all arrested for 1st degree murder. Plus Steve and Clint got charged with public indecency. Tony was taken to the morgue where Pepper had to come and identify the body. Thor was sent home to asgard, where Odin declared war on Earth, but Natasha once again saved the day and agreed to marry Loki.

Hawk-eye, Captain America, and The Hulk rotted in jail until the day they all died. Tony had a small funeral, whereas Iron Man was mourned by the entire world. Thor had his funeral following Asgardian traditions, he was also mourned by the entire world. Natasha was the only Avenger to live happily ever after. She and Loki eventually fell in love, having been married 50 years and had three wonderful children. The oldest, a boy who was named, Tony Odison. (Yes, Loki made up with his father after Thors death.) The middle child, a girl, named, Thorina Odison. And the youngest, another darling boy who they called, Steel, but his real name was, Clintasha Odison.

 

 


End file.
